Time seemed to turn into slow
motion as it toppled unsteadily. By then it was too late – things were set in
motion. I had already stumbled and started to fall before I really knew what
was going on. Looking back, I guess it was my own fault for not treading
carefully enough (or perhaps I was treading too
lightly?), but in that moment of
freefall, I felt a confusing mix of emotions rush through me.
First there was panic. Was this
really happening? Was it a cruel joke? Had I been pushed too far? These
thoughts flashed through my head faster than I had time to truly contemplate
them. Pitching forward, the panic had overwhelmed my senses, causing me to
reach out for a support – anything to
grasp on to.
Alas, there was none, and my
outstretched form, arms flailing wildly, must have looked particularly comical
to any onlookers. But how could I even think about that right now? Sure, I had
fallen before – but not like this. I had also been hurt before – but again, not
like this. They say ‘what doesn't kill you makes you stronger’ and that things
like this ‘help build character’. Such clichés can only exist because they are
continually proven to be true, right? But that realisation always comes after the fact – it doesn't help you
much during.
I was pretty much headfirst now –
my legs a good distance behind me. A point comes when you realise you are just
too far gone. You can’t do anything to stop it. You are a slave to the earth’s
unrelenting pull. There is no fighting it.
That's when the panic gives way to
anger. How dare this happen? To me?
And at a time like this? What possible worse luck can a man have in this world?
What fates had set me on this cruel collision course? In that moment I was so
angry – angry for being pushed, angry for allowing
to be pushed, for being caught off-guard like this. Angry at the weak will that
had manifested itself in the form of my wobbly legs. My arms flailed even more
wildly, for all the good that it did me.
I guess ultimately, I was angry at
the feeling of utter powerlessness that I felt in my situation. Nothing that I could
do would divert me from this path I was on. No way of slowing my fall – no way to
avoid the catastrophe that was coming my way.
That's when finally, a strange
sense of calm takes over. It’s funny - when you have exhausted all the (admittedly
limited) options you have – it all changes. You accept there isn’t actually
anything you can do. So I resigned
myself to my fate, accepting it – no, embracing
it. If this was going to happen to me then I would meet it head on. Go out with a
bang and damn the consequences!
My arms stopped flailing and
rested calmly at my side, my eyes closed in quiet acceptance. There was no
prevention. No escape. This was to be my fate.
I crashed headlong into the
antique vase – my full body weight knocking it clean off its stand. Upon
meeting the ground, there could be no other outcome. The priceless object
shattered into hundreds of pieces, skidding out across the museum floor like a
shotgun burst of china. In the suddenly hushed room, all eyes were on me.
I lay motionless amongst the debris, feigning death.
That’ll teach her.
22th September 2011
love love love love loveeee! :):)
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